Transcript

(for those who are clicking on tango links while they were supposed to be working 😁):

Hey, this is Dimitris, the curious tanguero.

My goal is to bring more people to tango and more tango to people.

Today we’ll discuss a topic I always struggled with: what to discuss in milongas.

After travelling to many events, I simply got tired of asking where do you come from and what’s your name.

Mainly because I wouldn’t remember either way one tanda – or worse – one song later.

Also, I am terrible at small talk.

Mainly, because I don’t find it interesting, I think.

I enjoy talking more about life, beauty, philosophy, ideas.

Finally, I prefer to not talk at all in between the songs.

You know, between one song and the next.

I usually prefer silence.

In fact, if there was a bracelet I could wear that indicated to people that I prefer to not talk, I would happily use it.

But when I talk, I prefer to talk about something that’s engaging and beneficial.

 

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Now, back to our topic.

 

First of all, I am not here to tell you what you should talk about.

It’s your life, your decisions.

I am just sharing what works for me and for some other people. 

 

I posted on my facebook profile a few days ago, to find out what questions people like to ask.

This is what I got:

 

Lucja, a friend, said: If he is a good leader I will ask: Who is your teacher?

I like that question.

Although personally, I think I would also ask it after a dance with a bad follower or leader.

It’s good to know who to avoid.

Keep in mind though, sometimes the teacher is good, but the student is not.

 

Marko said that he asks: ‘Why do you dance tango?’ 

If you have read the book Tangofulness: Exploring Connection, Awareness, and Meaning in Tango , you know that this is one of my favourite questions that often led to remarkable conversations.

And very often, after asking that question and listening to the response, I experienced a lot more connection in the next song.

Many of my readers also confirmed that the same happened to them.

It’s nice to feel heard and understood.

 

On that topic, another question I love to ask is:

What matters to you?

Obviously, in tango.

I listen, and then I try to give more of it in the next song.

That’s a great way to connect too.

If you ever studied how to improve your relationships, you probably came across the term “perceived partner responsiveness.”

It means: do I feel that my partner understands my needs and is responsive to them?

The more “perceived partner responsiveness.” you can develop in a relationship, the better the relationship gets.

The moment you feel your partner doesn’t respond to your needs, the worse the relationship gets.

 

Alison likes to ask ‘What moves you?’ In other words, what motivates you to move, to dance, to connect. 

Hana likes to ask: ‘What brought you to tango?’ 

A beautiful question that allows the other person to respond in one sentence or a whole paragraph, if they choose to.

 

Karina goes simple with a ‘How was your day?’

Another great question that allows the person to respond with as much detail as they choose.

By the way, if you ever feel you don’t know what to ask to make a conversation go forward, the simplest thing you can do is to repeat the last two-three words the other person said as a question.

For example:

The other person says:

‘It was a calm day.’

You simply respond with:

‘A calm day?’ and stay silent.

You’ll be surprised how many things happen during a calm day.

 

Julien went a different way with ‘Do you like the walk?’

 

There are many options out there, I hope those were useful.

 

Keep in mind though, some people don’t like to talk a lot between one song and another, and most people don’t like at all to talk during a song.

Or when you sing next to their ear during a song.

 

I know it’s not always easy to understand what the other person wants.

It’s part of the human experience I guess.

Our job is to be aware and attentive to the best of our abilities.

 

Suggested topics:

👉 More and better dances in the milongas for women: HOW?

👉 The third most common reason men choose not to dance with a woman in milongas

 

I hope that was useful:

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And if you want to support the podcast you can go on Amazon and buy the book Tangofulness: Exploring connection, awareness, and meaning in tango. It is available in 11 languages. 

Hugs, and stay Curious

Dimitris